Blagojevich Banned From Graceland

*What else could go wrong for convicted former governor Rod Blagojevich? Ted McClelland takes a satirical look at the coup de grace.

The world keeps turning its back on former Gov. Rod Blagojevich.

A day after the Attorney Registration and Disciplinary Commission asked the Illinois Supreme Court to suspend the convicted politician’s law license, the estate of Elvis Presley announced that Blagojevich has been banned for life from Graceland, the Memphis mansion that has been maintained as a shrine to Elvis since the singer’s death in 1977.

“Due to the egregious breadth of Blagojevich’s conduct while governor of Illinois, he is no longer welcome on any Presley family properties,” Elvis’s daughter, Lisa Marie Presley, said in a statement. “He is also prohibited from singing ‘Treat Me Nice’ in public, or impersonating Elvis in any way.”

Following the family’s lead, the international Elvis community moved swiftly to dissociate itself from Blagojevich. Elvisinsiders.com, the official online Elvis fan club, suspended Blagojevich’s account and asked him to stop displaying the membership decal on his SUV.

This is not the first time a musical act has attempted to dissociate itself from a politician. Smith’s guitarist Johnny Marr told British Prime Minister David Cameron he was “not allowed” to like the ’80s pop band. Miss Presley is taking a similar attitude toward Blagojevich.

“We’d actually prefer that Gov. Blagojevich just throw away all his Elvis CDs,” she said. “Being associated with a convicted felon is bad for dad’s image. We’re worried that some young person may first hear about Elvis in a story about the governor, and decide he doesn’t want to listen to the same kind of music as an impeached and convicted politician.”

Blagojevich reacted bitterly to the Presley family’s snub.

“Like Elvis, I’m a guy who’s had a lot of ups and downs in his life,” Blagojevich said. “I grew up in a poor family, but rose to the top of my field. I’ve never been a fair weather Elvis fan. I own the DVD of every Elvis movie -- even Clambake. I don’t just listen to Love Me Tender. I listen to bootlegs of Vegas shows when Elvis was so bloated and sedated he could barely gasp out the words to ‘All Shook Up.’ So for the Presley family to turn their backs on me goes against everything Elvis stands for. In fact, one of Elvis’s biggest hits was about convicts who deal with their imprisonment by forming a rock band -- which is just what I plan to do in prison.”

Blagojevich then announced he would defy the family’s wishes by watching Elvis’s 1968 Comeback Special, a favorite since his impeachment.